Negative self-talk is defined by the APA (American Psychological Association) Dictionary of Psychology as an internal dialogue in which an individual utters phrases or sentences to themselves that often confirms and reinforces negative beliefs and attitudes, such as fears and false aspirations, which have a correspondingly negative effect on the individual’s feelings (e.g., a sense of worthlessness) and reactions (e.g., demotivation).  

Some examples of negative self-talk are:
 “I totally failed and didn’t work out today.”
 “I haven’t followed the sleeping plan I set up for myself this week.  I should just stop trying.”  
“I’ve tried this in the past and failed.  I know this time won’t be any different so why bother trying.”

It is natural to feel stressed and a bit defeated when things don’t go as planned, especially when we make a goal for ourselves, and it doesn’t go as originally planned.  When this occurs, we must change the behavior of dwelling on setbacks and find ways to move forward and shift our mindset into a more positive matter. 

When we have a set-back, instead of looking at it negatively, ask yourself, “What have I learned from this experience that will help me move forward?”

Let’s put this question into a relatable example.  You have been working out consistently for a month and then you miss one week due to being sick. You then find that you haven’t gotten back to the gym in two weeks after being sick and want to just quit all together.  Instead of saying to yourself, “I haven’t worked out these past few weeks. I completely failed and should just quit.”  Try saying, “I learned that not every week is going to be perfect to workout.  I know that I was able to work out for a month and I can pick up where I left off and workout again next week.”

Now, I know this is no easy task to change how we speak to ourselves.  This will take time and practice.  The best advice I can give anyone who finds that they talk negatively about themselves is to take a step back and ask themselves how they can overcome the setback they had.  You are the expert of you.  When you rely on your internal resources, your strengths, and come up with a plan to move forward, you are more likely to get back on track with achieving the goal you set for yourself. It is important to celebrate the successes you have had and focus on learning from setbacks. If you can do this, you will find that you will be a little kinder to yourself and be able to move forward with the task at hand. 

Lisa Fisher, Certified Personal Trainer and Health Coach